So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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