You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize