I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
