Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
