At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
