i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
