So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you never un-have a 4some
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize