I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
