therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
