dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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