Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
