Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
