first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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