Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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