I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
