been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize