oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
