When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
