i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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