Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
