how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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