i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How naked do you want me to be?
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