dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There r osticjed everywhere
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
