We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize