I am puke
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
