Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
