I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
