Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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