Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
