What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You smell like stripper and shame
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
