Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
