We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
