like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
