I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
