Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
