If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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