you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
