I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
