Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
