I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize