I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
from now on my penis is your penis
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
