We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
