And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
