I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
