is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
