You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize