Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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