You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
