And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
