chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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