We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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