Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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