my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
