he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
