You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize