She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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