I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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