I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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