M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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