i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
