Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
