Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
