Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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