Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
