If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We are all done wearing pants today
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