we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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