i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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