im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize