no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
