No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
