i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
