you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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