Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
