My Higher Power is John Stamos
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
