he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
