ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
