I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
