How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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