I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
