we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
