Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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