Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
