Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
