Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
