Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
