yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize