At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
