I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
