Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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