come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
