Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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