I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
