im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
