I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
