Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
