shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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