dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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