it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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