Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
